panic
I know I’ve been “off” for the past few days. Well, you wouldn’t know that because you don’t live with me. But it’s been noticed. I’m also in avoidance mode about the wedding this weekend. I haven’t thought about packing, I still didn’t buy anything to wear. We’re leaving Friday.
Let’s do a little math, shall we? Avoidance of thinking about this trip + being “off” = something about the trip is bothering me.
Well, yea.
Let’s take the idea of going to a wedding where I will know about five people there - three being the bride, the groom and Todd and the other two being a couple I met once last year when we all ate cow dick together - and the fact that Todd is in the wedding party and will be engaged in things like taking pictures and whatnot. Take that and add it to the rehearsal party Saturday night at the bride and groom’s house with 25 of their closest friends where, again, I will know only five people.
You know me by now. You know I don’t do tweetups, I don’t do crowded things, I have a debilitating social anxiety and I am not very good at meeting large groups of unknown people at once. Especially when these people are mostly in a social circle that I’m outside of; they are tattoo artists and roller derby women and people who work at food co-ops and friends from AA and I’m this middle aged suburban court clerk who is socially retarded and has no social connection with any of these people except that I am Todd’s girlfriend. You know, the one he met on the internet.
So I’m freaking out.
I haven’t said anything to Todd yet because he is so excited about the wedding and seeing some old friends and I don’t want him to worry about me being worried. I’m trying to get over this. I really am. I’m trying to build up some confidence to meet this thing head on. I want to have a good time. I want to enjoy myself and I want Todd to be able to enjoy himself without feeling like he has to keep me entertained or happy.
I want to stop feeling intimidated by every social situation. I have no idea how to go about doing that. I have three days to get over myself.
We just got back from an amazing wedding. I knew maybe 5 people there. It was nerve wracking to say the least. Somehow our RSVP had gotten misplaced so they weren’t expecting us. We wound up seated at a table by ourselves.
We’re both pretty socially anxious, and were ready to endure the awkwardness of the evening. Thankfully, this nice group of people next to us invited us to join their table. We wound up talking to them and having a blast. It was totally unexpected.
I guess what I’m saying is, try not to worry! Be yourself, and people will love you!
And if it’s awful, you can always tumble the whole thing for our amusement later, right? :o)
